Is Hold'em The Game For You?

With so many TV networks jumping on the coattails of the Travel Channel's success with the World Poker Tour, more and more people have the opportunity to see high-stakes poker action up close. ESPN is rerunning the daylights out of the 2003 World Series of Poker; BRAVO presented its first Celebrity Poker Challenge recently; FOX-TV, with Jesse May at the microphone, offered The Showdown at the Sands Poker Tournament (Atlantic City).

Since poker isn't an extreme sport, at least physically, it's not unexpected that viewers getting their first taste of the excitement and monetary rewards of the game might want to jump in to see if they can't get their share of the money tree. But before you start off for the nearest cardroom, take stock of what you know about poker and, because all the poker you see on TV is hold'em, then that's the kind of poker you're likely going to try.

First let me say that you can play the game with very little experience. As long as you know the basic rules, what beats what and how the betting works, you can play hold'em. I'm not saying you can win at the game, although that's entirely possible too. But if you have the confidence to give it a try, you might just show a profit.

Still, I wouldn't recommend that anyone start playing hold'em unless there exists some rudimentary knowledge. And there are plenty of books that can help you make the leap from "thinking about it" to "doing it." But there probably aren't any that will give you the kind of information you'll read here the real weapons used by the best hold'em players in the world. If you can master these half-dozen tips, even if you're not a top-ranked player, you'll surely be perceived as one.

1. Learn to squint and stare at your opponent. It doesn't matter if you have the nut flush, pocket aces or a totally bluffing hand. Plant your eyeballs squarely in the direction of your opponent and keep them fixed there for at least ten seconds. After the first ten-second squint, reach down and play with your chips, pretending you're trying to decide whether to call or raise. Nothing makes a player with a marginal hand cringe inside more than an opponent who seems to be trying to read minds.
2. Learn to demean your opponents when you fold to their second-rate hand. It doesn't matter how many times you forced players out when you held a mediocre hand. That's allowed. What's not allowed is for others to pull the same trick on you. If you folded early, say things like, "You went all the way to the river on that hand? Who taught you to play poker anyway?" Then walk off to your friends and family on the sidelines and continue to complain about the fact that an inferior player played an inferior hand against you and that's not how you're supposed to win.
3. Practice arrogance. Before the first blind, announce to everyone at your table that you're going to win this event so they might as well go home. If you have to, let them know you've made it to the first break as chip leader in almost every event you've ever entered. Make sure they're so convinced you've been sleeping with Lady Luck that they won't know how to beat you even with the nuts.
4. Be arrogantly aggressive. Throw your chips into the pot when you're calling or raising and make comments like, "You're not stealing this pot from me, fellow," or "You're going to have to pay to see the next card, sweetie." You run the risk that the dealer or floorperson will warn you but do it as long as you can get away with it.
5. Kibitz in a foreign tongue. The rule of thumb is, English only at the tables. If you have a friend or spouse on the rail, consult with him or her in another language. You'll only get away with it once (Remember the rules: One player to a hand and English only.) but once is enough to get your opponents worked up.
6. If you're a mature player, tell the "kids" in the game that this is a game for the experienced; conversely, if you're one of the whiz kid types, tell the older folks they'll have to move over to make room for the new breed of poker player. Either way, you're sure to put at least one opponent on tilt and that's what it's all about.

So there you have it. Six down-and-dirty poker tips that will help you decide if hold'em is the game for you. If you think you can't pull off more than one, then consider playing stud, which requires silence and concentration or Omaha, which requires concentration and fortitude.