Dec. 04, 2004
 

I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
New York City detective

Most poker gurus begin their lessons with the basics of hold'em (or stud or any other variety of poker) with terse but usually necessary explanations of antes and blinds, how the first person to act is determined (blinds or low card) and how the game proceeds from the first card pitched out to a player.

While this information is essential to those who have yet to watch a poker game long enough to grasp these rules or those who have never played a hand of poker, none of this is vital if the neophyte doesn't understand the most important rule in poker. Guys will get it pretty quickly, especially if they were in the Boy Scouts. Gals might get it if they had brothers in the Scouts or dated a fellow with lots of merit badges.

The first and most important rule of poker is: Be Prepared!

Be prepared for everything, for misdeals, for misreading your cards, for being bullied by another player, for talking too much (you or your opponents), for being blindsided by conversation. Be prepared for everything and anything that can go wrong (because eventually it will) and for everything that can go right (because eventually, that will, as well).

While the poker you watch is played almost to perfection as far as the rules of the game are concerned, when you are in the public cardroom environment you can have up to 11 people against you. Take, for instance, protecting your chips. If you are next to the dealer and want to play but haven't indicated your intention either vocally or by placing a protective chip on your cards ­ and haven't kept those cards in a spot where the dealer almost has to ask if you want to play, there's a chance your cards will go in the muck and you will be out of action. When those pocket kings go into the muck, not a single player at the table will defend your position; the dealer certainly won't pull the cards back and give them to you; and the floorman will likely explain to you that you must protect your cards.

You have to be prepared for players trying to seduce you into revealing your hole cards. The guy next to you might fold his hand then try to see what you have and, barring that, might even ask you what your cards are. He's playing games when he does this, acting like your new best friend and all the while, he's getting unspoken information by the tone of your voice, the way you cock your head when you show him the cards, the way you play that hand. If you are a beginner and this guy has been around the block for a while, he's eventually going to be able to beat you every hand or get out when he has to, without jeopardizing much of his holdings.

At showdown, even when you thing you are beat, don't throw your cards away. Lay them out on the table and keep your finger on them, as if to hold them fast. Let the dealer decide whether or not you have lost. Many times when you think that low pair has been beaten by a higher pair, you might miss the straight you hit on the river. Don't be embarrassed to ask the dealer what you have. Sure, it will signal quite clearly that you are a rank amateur but so what? The other players have already sniffed out that clue.

Speaking of dealers, be aware that they don't always call the hand properly. If you're not sure why the dealer calls out a winner, squint a little, pretend you can't see the entire hand and ask, ³what does she have?² If you are in the pot, you will get an answer and in doing so, you might also bring the dealer back to you to check your hand before he tells you why the other one beat yours.

As competitive as it is, poker is a fun game but much of the enjoyment comes from using your skills to get the upper hand, to know what¹s coming and head it off at the pass, to realize that the others are interested in the same game of wits.

So, as soon as you enter the cardroom, turn on your intuition, your x-ray vision, your super hearing, and your calculating mind. Each will be a useful weapon when the cards are dealt.